As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
