capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
