There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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