i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.