I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him