he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?