my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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