Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
