sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
