He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
