I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
