im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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