There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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