I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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