those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best revenge is premature balding
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
