There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
