Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think your dad took our porno
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
