How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
