I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
