so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
