Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
