Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
