My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
