if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
