Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
