my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
