John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
