So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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