I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
