I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
