dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
pray to the hookup gods
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
