I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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