it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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