So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
another moral hangover. fuck.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
