i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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