I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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