I puked a lego.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
