My friends, they love my intelligence
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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