My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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