What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
