I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
