so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
