How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
