Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
