OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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