Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You pole danced in your parka.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
