I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
