whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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