Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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