I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
