If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
