sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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