yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My pussy is not your playground.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
