evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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