So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
