not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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