There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
