So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There r osticjed everywhere
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
