oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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