I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
