also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
