he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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