things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a beard to bite.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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