yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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