So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
