we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
