Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
