Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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