I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
