he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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