Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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