dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
