as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
