is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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