We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
