3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
