he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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