My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
