Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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