i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
