a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
