Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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