ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
