bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
