I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's blow job season.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
